Monday, March 15, 2010

Over The Hump Day: Grief and Ilness


CLEARING HOUSE: TRANSFORMATION
Well the enormous crushing pressure on my psyche seems to have come and gone. Now its just a dull dullness. Tough when you have told the Doctors and Disability Insurance companies that you just want to kill yourself but don't want to leave your dog, so you just can't do it, then your dog dies, on top of your chronic illness, depression, and loosing your job and a friendship at the same time. Talk about clearing house and transformation. I'm trying to understand that it is all a good thing, that it's in divine order, and if it doesn't make sense now, it will some day if I can last that long. I am actually really just sick and tired of living life feeling like shit all the time, and of course, loosing the media photographer job which gave me at least a below poverty level income and doing one of the only things that worked well with my health issues, gave me a sense of helping the community, and being on purpose and of purpose with no clue what to do now. Just got to keep reminding myself it's all good, it's always a good day on the Sunshine Coast. I sure wish that WCB, Great West Life, and BC Ferries hadn't abandoned me saying there is nothing wrong with me. I have lost over a decade of my life or more because these corporations were more interested in proving I didn't need help. Again, thanks to all of them for the blessing they have given me. Cheers Duane

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