Friday, February 19, 2010
Crisis Line... Please hold! LOL
What a mix of emotions today. Forced myself to go for a walk out to Francis Point Peninsula Provincial Park and took some new photos of the arbutus spirit tree with a face in it featured in my art show back in 2008. SEE IMAGE
I am out in a very isolated and beautiful area of Pender Harbour trying to walk off how sad I am feeling since I lost my job with The Local on October 2nd ( and remain unemployed ) and then the loss of my soul mate Tundra. I notice I am doing lots of avoidance behaviour lately but even here out in the middle of no where people say a warm "HI Duane."
I laughed later with the wonderful staff of the Daily Roast coffee shop in Sechelt, BC how hard a time I am having just being miserable and depressed on the Sunshine Coast as every where I go people are so kind and loving to me, buying me coffees, appetizers at restaurants, expressing there condolences about Tundra and telling me how much they really appreciate everything I do for the community and how they love the idea of wheel chair accessible drinking fountains for people and a separate fountain level for pets in parks and water front walks up and down the entire Sunshine Coast.
I go for an afternoon walk and walk past the place where I found someone tore down a poster in Kinnickinick Park I had put up for Tundra's fund and it reminds me that another person tore down a home made cross I made from twigs to put atop his grave. I am trying to tell myself that the person who took down the poster really really wants to do some major fund raising for this worthwhile project and really needed that poster, and that a super strong wind blew the cross away, and neither are personal, the Universe is not to be taken personally. Both good lessons to be steadfast in Spirit and not let these physical things steer your emotions too much, to watch them and be aware of them so you can breath love, light, joy, peace, compassion, healing.
Lately I come home to phone messages, emails and tons of correspondence from my Twitter and Facebook friends.
There is a request to help at "Girls Night Out", a fund raiser for the fabulous St. Mary's Hospital Auxiliary ( I was auctioned off last year )
CLICK HERE for Girls Night Out 2009 PHOTOS
A young man in a television course at Elphinstone Secondary has asked if I will kindly interview our Member of Parliament John Weston for his school project.
The Coast Reporter Editor has graciously sent me the PDF of an article they did about Tundra's drinking fountain campaign in their Feb 12, 2010 community newspaper which I posted to his photo album on flickr and his fan page on facebook.
A couple of young people planning to embark on a cross Canada hitchhiking tour who are going to blog the places they go invited me to their facebook fan page and have asked if they can interview me and sit down with me as part of their epic journey from sea to shining sea. See there Fan Page here >> Cameron Smith & Kendall Rose Off On Another Adventure!
One of the parents from Davis Bay Elementary School has sent a cell phone message to my facebook telling me her kid and his grade 6 and 7 class have been given a project to do for school on "What would Duane do?" if he was to put an add in the local newspapers for the Olympics.
Then I have been asked to be a guest star in a local theatre production which I have to remain top secret about! hehehehhe And behind the scenes a group of us are trying to revive the Christmas Pantomime tradition on the Sunshine Coast
Meanwhile on the other side of the coin I am canceling appointments, workshops, photo shoots, not taking calls etc left right and centre! Very confusing.
I was stewing away today, well trying not to ruminate and to stay in Spirit as best I can and breath, which has been hard as I have this chronic pain in my chest, apparently, according to google, anxiety related... what a run on sentence!
I have been upset and wasn't sure if I should be this open and candid about this next topic but here goes..
I finally got up the nerve to call Mental Health in Sechelt, ( OMG I just wasted ten minutes trying to find you the link for people in need of help to no avail )) LOL.
I have been dragging my feet for several years now after my last therapist there discontinued our meetings abruptly. As I am adopted, ( I know boo hoo whatever ) I think this triggered some huge abandonment issues so I have been wandering around with untreated depression relying on the grace of reading spiritual books by Wayne Dyer, Pema Chodren, Eckart Tolle, and Deepak Chopra every day to get me through.
So since loosing my job as a community photographer, the only thing that kept me in service and in purpose and my mind off the crushing depression, it has pushed me way over the deep end so my close family have been strongly encouraging me to make an appointment to go back to mental health in Sechelt. This was even before Tundra passed away.
So I finally called their office and the lady at reception gave me nothing but grief and the run around. It made me feel so shitty and frustrated that I even called in the first place! All I wanted in the ideal world was a clean simple no fuss no muss yes Mr. Burnett lets get you in right away for an appointment rather then a big spiel on the phone. She put me on HOLD! So I panicked and hung up. Never called them back.
I have been waiting a couple weeks now, and even though they have all my contact information, full name, phone number, everything, they never ever called back to see that I was ok. I can only imagine what other people must be put through when they are depressed, mentally ill, and suicidal. Which is why I mention this publicly now. "Crisis line.. please hold!" To be fair, I have had some good experiences with the staff at the facilities when I have taking yoga and mindfulness training and NIA, but that has been cut due to lack of funds I believe so I don't have any mental health grounding at all in my life these days. Well I was doing 45 min body scan meditations but I am so freaked out I can't seem to calm down enough to get to them these days. They certainly have helped to keep me somewhat together through everything.
I sure wish I knew why creative intuitive spirited community minded planetary conscious earth lovers like myself are border line insane! Drives me nuts! Sorry for the bad pun. I am sure I am bi-polar but the folks at mental health say I am not. I was hoping that might account for the crazy ass mood swings I am a witness too in myself. Can you say "ass" on blogspot? hmmm
So that is my rant of the day. I am walking around super depressed and the community is fabulous. Super kind to me. THANK YOU! Its a real twist of cross over emotions to say the least.
Oh! and Go Canada Go at the 2010 Vancouver Winter Olympics! As I post this Jon Montgomery wins GOLD for Canada in Skeleton! WOOT WOOT!!!!
Thanks and Peace Love and Joy in every moment. Yours for the Planet!!!! Duane Burnett